You!
All gone. All good. Check the map for new view over your fucked up shit. Nice, you.
Bye bye
Bye bye
The joke
At the mentalhospital again, very fun. I have my computer but this fucking computer is over 7 years old and is dying. I'm gonna buy a new one when I get out from the hospital some hours next time. This computer has a weight like myself, no joke, it's a big ugly old computer with name Elsa. I namned her that for some years ago. She's happy but kinda tierd...
.
something is happening
I'm home
Well I'm back at home again, be happy for the face of a horrormovie... .)
I'm not afraid this time
I am not afraid this time. Not afraid to tell.
He is noone you know. He is noone I know. I even don't know his name. But I am afraid for my morbid feelings of beeing unable to handle this. I am afraid of that I maybe is in love with him.
http://terrorin.blogg.se/starshine
I need to
I need to honor, or what the fuck the name is, my three only female best friends.
Please you I am talking about, tell me if you don't want this pictures here. But I feel I must show my blog how beautiful you three are.
We have Malin:
She is the most beautiful friend with a whole world of friendship and she always try to understand me. And what the hell I know she even seems to believe in my shit some times. I realy adore her for that and I hope all my talk don't scare her or make her feel bad. For howsome all I want is for her to feel good and find harmony.
We have Julia:
You can never know Julia enough. When you think you have her, then she is already far away from you. She is a woman filled with mysteries and I can't stop fascinate about here. I know she care and believe but she is hard like stone.
We have Tess:
Tess... What can I say? Tess know I say to much but she never care and that is a gift only a number to count can tell. Tess is my former stepsister, but for me, she is my sister. We may share the name Therese but the different between Tess and Terra is enormous and curse you if you take one name for the result of two.
Please you I am talking about, tell me if you don't want this pictures here. But I feel I must show my blog how beautiful you three are.
We have Malin:
She is the most beautiful friend with a whole world of friendship and she always try to understand me. And what the hell I know she even seems to believe in my shit some times. I realy adore her for that and I hope all my talk don't scare her or make her feel bad. For howsome all I want is for her to feel good and find harmony.
We have Julia:
You can never know Julia enough. When you think you have her, then she is already far away from you. She is a woman filled with mysteries and I can't stop fascinate about here. I know she care and believe but she is hard like stone.
We have Tess:
Tess... What can I say? Tess know I say to much but she never care and that is a gift only a number to count can tell. Tess is my former stepsister, but for me, she is my sister. We may share the name Therese but the different between Tess and Terra is enormous and curse you if you take one name for the result of two.
back to the mentalhospital
Well, I'm back at the mentalhospital again, not very stumping... I always get in there on some way time to time sad enough...
This time I wasn't very sure at it all by myself, my very kind friend Malin was helping me to understand that I maybe needed some time with understanding people around me, and she was so right.
Right now I can't decide if I'm right or wrong.
My situation is like this:
I'm sitting in a chair and listening to some music, who realy make it more easy to handle voices inside my head. When I am sitting there listening to the music I also listening to all the voices without notice I am doing it. I listening to them and answer them and makes judgement about all the people around me based on the things the voices tells me, and then I often is thinking something like this:
ME: "That fucking retard think he is so fucking great of what the fuck he is doing! Isn't that right?"
COREY: "Yes it is, I think he makes agreements with someone"
ME: "Yeah maybe... But he is a retard who is listening to his own voices in his head and doing what they are telling him!"
....
COREY: "Yes maybe he is... But you do the same"
....
ME: "Hell, fuck! You'r right! What am I going to do?"
COREY: "...."
ME: "Wait! Now I am doing it again, I listing to you again, you told me they where doing the same as me and then you tell me that I listeing to you"
COREY: "...."
ME: "Wait! STOP! Now I'm talking to you back again!"
COREY: "Yes you do"
ME: "Please, be quiet."
This time I wasn't very sure at it all by myself, my very kind friend Malin was helping me to understand that I maybe needed some time with understanding people around me, and she was so right.
Right now I can't decide if I'm right or wrong.
My situation is like this:
I'm sitting in a chair and listening to some music, who realy make it more easy to handle voices inside my head. When I am sitting there listening to the music I also listening to all the voices without notice I am doing it. I listening to them and answer them and makes judgement about all the people around me based on the things the voices tells me, and then I often is thinking something like this:
ME: "That fucking retard think he is so fucking great of what the fuck he is doing! Isn't that right?"
COREY: "Yes it is, I think he makes agreements with someone"
ME: "Yeah maybe... But he is a retard who is listening to his own voices in his head and doing what they are telling him!"
....
COREY: "Yes maybe he is... But you do the same"
....
ME: "Hell, fuck! You'r right! What am I going to do?"
COREY: "...."
ME: "Wait! Now I am doing it again, I listing to you again, you told me they where doing the same as me and then you tell me that I listeing to you"
COREY: "...."
ME: "Wait! STOP! Now I'm talking to you back again!"
COREY: "Yes you do"
ME: "Please, be quiet."
Well, reading
This far I have write 168 pages on my book, it's pretty good.
Well, reading.
book
I am writing a book who probebly is coming out when I'm dead. I have wrote 137 pages in Word so far and I will write about 200 and then I will see it like a finnished book. After that I probably will save it to the day I die and then let somebody else send it out for other people to read. But I'm not sure.
So I will get start to write at this blog more effective again when I have finnished the book. I have write those 137 pages in two weeks so I will be done soon. Why I can write it so fast is probably not bacuse I have write it very bad, instead I know it is beacuse I know exactly what I am writing.
The book is a fact book about things that do not exist.
The fact about things that don't exist is a result of many things I have thought about and about things that I sometime believe in, but about things that other people pretty sure don't believe in.
How the world, life, universe, body and brain works for example.
Be right back .D
So I will get start to write at this blog more effective again when I have finnished the book. I have write those 137 pages in two weeks so I will be done soon. Why I can write it so fast is probably not bacuse I have write it very bad, instead I know it is beacuse I know exactly what I am writing.
The book is a fact book about things that do not exist.
The fact about things that don't exist is a result of many things I have thought about and about things that I sometime believe in, but about things that other people pretty sure don't believe in.
How the world, life, universe, body and brain works for example.
Be right back .D
New one, kinda important.
I have one of these new addresses: http://terrorin.blogg.se/throughglass/
Only meant for the person who this blogg is for, use the name of the site for a man who uses a website with a name in form of a monster for the both passwords.
Please just visit if you can remember the password... I know some people know it and Corey himself probably knows
Only meant for the person who this blogg is for, use the name of the site for a man who uses a website with a name in form of a monster for the both passwords.
Please just visit if you can remember the password... I know some people know it and Corey himself probably knows
deleted
Just in the same time I put myself in the shower I decide myself to delete my just writen text I write here on the blog because it all came up so badly. It was nothing cool, just that I had count all my shoes I could see and that it was 64 pair of shoes and that I don't buy a new pair of shoes every week even that my mom make it sound like that.
And that I today buy one more new pair of shoes. Nothing crazy, I bought one pair last week to. But in the last text this information was longer and I found it, forget it.
Now I'm very tierd and will try to sleep, dear body and brain let me fall in sleep fast tonight! This was the shoes: (Something good to walk in now, instead of all my very high heels even on the winter, whatever, BYE!!)
Yes they are in PVC or what the hell it's calling. I think it's cool, ok? Goodbye and goodnight and goodbye again.
And that I today buy one more new pair of shoes. Nothing crazy, I bought one pair last week to. But in the last text this information was longer and I found it, forget it.
Now I'm very tierd and will try to sleep, dear body and brain let me fall in sleep fast tonight! This was the shoes: (Something good to walk in now, instead of all my very high heels even on the winter, whatever, BYE!!)
Yes they are in PVC or what the hell it's calling. I think it's cool, ok? Goodbye and goodnight and goodbye again.
hahaha one survivor more!
Well, a suprise just happend. I thought I was go for a nightwalk with my dog and when I should take my shoe on I lift it up and there under one of my millipedes lay! She/her was in the size of the mediumsize ones in the aquarium, but I crushed her/him. I don't know why but I become kinda suprised and did it pretty fast. So I started to wonder HOW THE FUCK SHE/HE HAD ESCAPED!? My only answer is that (we say she) she didn't escape at all. Because:
When I had my second delivery of 5 baby millipedes I only find 4 of them. I thought the other 4 had eat the fifth but I had wrong. When I got them in a little pack they was stucked together with alot of weet paper to keep them warm and make shure they have water for the trip. So one of them most have fallen out from the paper when I didn't find it and walked with the rest of the paper to the toilet. Then it most have fallen out and started to live in a very huge cage, my apartment...
Because when I get them, maybe 6 months ago, they was very small and white, so they was pretty camouflaged by the white paper and pretty easy to miss. I found a rest of a tail in the paper and thats why I thought they had eaten the fifth one. But now, when I think a little bit harder it's kinda hard for those little creations to eat one of there friends in only some days, but then i simply thought they was very hungry or something.
But now I found her, in my hall under my shoes and now she's dead and flashed down the toilet. So I have simply lived here in 6 monthes together with a loose millipede in my apartment. It's pretty cool I found her, I didn't have want to find her about 2 years when she probably had been 20 cm long and black like the night...
But ofcorse I take the security before something more happens so I just bought a new terrarium, exactly this:
If she in some vierd way has escaped from the aquarium! It's pretty impossible because millipedes can't climb on the walls, speciull not made of glas. But if she managed with that there are three holes big enough for her to climb out from the cover of the aquarium. So if she of some reason made the impossible to climb on glasswalls 6 times higher then herself and climb at the ceiling out of the holes. Then she is kinda impressive! Millipedes don't can climb at walls and definitely not on ceilings so I'm pretty shore that that one was the one I didn't find when I should put the other four in the aquarium! And I am not surprised that she has survived in my hall, because there is alot of dirt I get in from my shoes, even water from the snow. So she probably had it very nice, but probably kinda alone and scared... Poor litte millipede.
But now the rest of the millipedes will be happy with a new terrarium that is big enough for them to live in even when they are full grow up. I will pimp it with cool stuff before I put them in there. But it's kinda hard to get leaf nowdays, because it's kinda ALOT of snow outside and my greatest kindest incredible considerate mom threw all my leaf away. The leaf my mom herself had picked for me because the millipedes prefer to eat leaf from precious trees and there are kinda not many at all here where I live. So my mom picked them at our summerhouse place. But now me and mom is going out in the wood for search of leaf under the snow, it will be so fun!!!!!
And this time I will make the substrate correct and that meens something like:
Take dirt, from the florist's shop, dirt without fertilizer so they don't die of crap. Pull that dirt together with leaf and rotten wood from precious trees example maple. Pull that together to a big goo and lay it in water for a while to make shure intruder in form of bigger kreepy crawling things to die. And to get the dirt and the other dirtthings realy moist. After that I will put the ingredients ;) together with the millipede and they will have a new life in a new terrarium there they definitely can't escape and I will feel very safe. So will all my friend who the most is very disgusted by them. And I understand them very well.
Let's see when this new terrarium arrive? For now I have taped over the holes in the ceiling, IF the millipedes is some kind of very extreamly endangered specially trained climbers. But I don't think so. Maybe they only have superpowers.
When I had my second delivery of 5 baby millipedes I only find 4 of them. I thought the other 4 had eat the fifth but I had wrong. When I got them in a little pack they was stucked together with alot of weet paper to keep them warm and make shure they have water for the trip. So one of them most have fallen out from the paper when I didn't find it and walked with the rest of the paper to the toilet. Then it most have fallen out and started to live in a very huge cage, my apartment...
Because when I get them, maybe 6 months ago, they was very small and white, so they was pretty camouflaged by the white paper and pretty easy to miss. I found a rest of a tail in the paper and thats why I thought they had eaten the fifth one. But now, when I think a little bit harder it's kinda hard for those little creations to eat one of there friends in only some days, but then i simply thought they was very hungry or something.
But now I found her, in my hall under my shoes and now she's dead and flashed down the toilet. So I have simply lived here in 6 monthes together with a loose millipede in my apartment. It's pretty cool I found her, I didn't have want to find her about 2 years when she probably had been 20 cm long and black like the night...
But ofcorse I take the security before something more happens so I just bought a new terrarium, exactly this:
If she in some vierd way has escaped from the aquarium! It's pretty impossible because millipedes can't climb on the walls, speciull not made of glas. But if she managed with that there are three holes big enough for her to climb out from the cover of the aquarium. So if she of some reason made the impossible to climb on glasswalls 6 times higher then herself and climb at the ceiling out of the holes. Then she is kinda impressive! Millipedes don't can climb at walls and definitely not on ceilings so I'm pretty shore that that one was the one I didn't find when I should put the other four in the aquarium! And I am not surprised that she has survived in my hall, because there is alot of dirt I get in from my shoes, even water from the snow. So she probably had it very nice, but probably kinda alone and scared... Poor litte millipede.But now the rest of the millipedes will be happy with a new terrarium that is big enough for them to live in even when they are full grow up. I will pimp it with cool stuff before I put them in there. But it's kinda hard to get leaf nowdays, because it's kinda ALOT of snow outside and my greatest kindest incredible considerate mom threw all my leaf away. The leaf my mom herself had picked for me because the millipedes prefer to eat leaf from precious trees and there are kinda not many at all here where I live. So my mom picked them at our summerhouse place. But now me and mom is going out in the wood for search of leaf under the snow, it will be so fun!!!!!
And this time I will make the substrate correct and that meens something like:
Take dirt, from the florist's shop, dirt without fertilizer so they don't die of crap. Pull that dirt together with leaf and rotten wood from precious trees example maple. Pull that together to a big goo and lay it in water for a while to make shure intruder in form of bigger kreepy crawling things to die. And to get the dirt and the other dirtthings realy moist. After that I will put the ingredients ;) together with the millipede and they will have a new life in a new terrarium there they definitely can't escape and I will feel very safe. So will all my friend who the most is very disgusted by them. And I understand them very well.
Let's see when this new terrarium arrive? For now I have taped over the holes in the ceiling, IF the millipedes is some kind of very extreamly endangered specially trained climbers. But I don't think so. Maybe they only have superpowers.
Hellu and goodbye
Well, Tess have been here, it was nice, we looked at a swedish movie named "I rymden finns inga känslor", kinda cute. So, to the fact. I was talking about Tess about my former lifes, she's the best listener ever I think! She don't believe in my crap but she believe in that I believe in it, and that's the whole point...
I had this vierd thing happening last night...
I lay down and had download a tv show cald "world of science" where they told me everything about mites on our body and what they work for, even close-ups on the mites, very cute, actually. Small little creations with antennas and many legs, and they live all over our body and they can't dissipear. But I already knew this but it was kinda fun to look at closeups on this ones, and hear more information about whay they attac and eat our body! But they are kinda important! Whitout these we should look like corpses all the time or something. Tess died when I show her them...
Well, so... After the TV show I was going to sleep and like always when you have looked like animals like that it itch all over your body, this even happening to me. But then this big woodlouse come in to me again. I don't know (I don't think) I have told about her before. Like all people know I see things, like souls going around everywhere. And this big woodlouse is about 1 meter (39 inch) long and 50 cm (20 inch) tall. A big fuck really! The first time she walked into my apartment I really grabed the panic and thought "If that fuck really will have come in here I will jump down from the balcony and run" (My balcony is two meter from the ground so I will not die) But yesterday evening this big woodlouse come in my apartment again and I named her Lady. She run up to my bed and lay herself next to me, it was kinda creepy, even she wasn't there. So I told her "No Woodlice in the bed!" She grabed my arm with all her legs and started to explore my body with her antennas. I thought it was kinda disgusting but I will learn myself to love every animal as long they do not hurt me. But then, when Lady was grabbing my arm the itch stoped, after that she run to my feet and then the itch stoped even there, after that she lay on my legs, after that on my stomach and after that I thought "Not my head, please not my head" and after that she crept over my head and I saw all her legs right in front of my eyes, it is creepy like hell, I will se if I can find some photos.
But then the itch had stoped all over my body. OFCORSE it's mentally but it feeld kinda incredible.
Now me and Lady are friends, even if she don't like humans and she is from the sun. I will have her like my pet when the revolution has brought one meter woodlice! Maybe I will have woodlice like pets in my next life, and maybe, if I'm really brave in this life too. But I think it will be enough with seven millipedes.
bla bla bla that's cool for today. bye!
I had this vierd thing happening last night...
I lay down and had download a tv show cald "world of science" where they told me everything about mites on our body and what they work for, even close-ups on the mites, very cute, actually. Small little creations with antennas and many legs, and they live all over our body and they can't dissipear. But I already knew this but it was kinda fun to look at closeups on this ones, and hear more information about whay they attac and eat our body! But they are kinda important! Whitout these we should look like corpses all the time or something. Tess died when I show her them...
Well, so... After the TV show I was going to sleep and like always when you have looked like animals like that it itch all over your body, this even happening to me. But then this big woodlouse come in to me again. I don't know (I don't think) I have told about her before. Like all people know I see things, like souls going around everywhere. And this big woodlouse is about 1 meter (39 inch) long and 50 cm (20 inch) tall. A big fuck really! The first time she walked into my apartment I really grabed the panic and thought "If that fuck really will have come in here I will jump down from the balcony and run" (My balcony is two meter from the ground so I will not die) But yesterday evening this big woodlouse come in my apartment again and I named her Lady. She run up to my bed and lay herself next to me, it was kinda creepy, even she wasn't there. So I told her "No Woodlice in the bed!" She grabed my arm with all her legs and started to explore my body with her antennas. I thought it was kinda disgusting but I will learn myself to love every animal as long they do not hurt me. But then, when Lady was grabbing my arm the itch stoped, after that she run to my feet and then the itch stoped even there, after that she lay on my legs, after that on my stomach and after that I thought "Not my head, please not my head" and after that she crept over my head and I saw all her legs right in front of my eyes, it is creepy like hell, I will se if I can find some photos.
But then the itch had stoped all over my body. OFCORSE it's mentally but it feeld kinda incredible.
Now me and Lady are friends, even if she don't like humans and she is from the sun. I will have her like my pet when the revolution has brought one meter woodlice! Maybe I will have woodlice like pets in my next life, and maybe, if I'm really brave in this life too. But I think it will be enough with seven millipedes.
bla bla bla that's cool for today. bye!
bu
Well well, I was in school today, one lession. Very fun.
bye.
bye.
right well, keep moving girl.
So I was on this meeting with SF (Swedish movies) to talk about my synopsis I wrote in october last year and send to them... The story:
I was in this extreamly panic for month without someone notice it so one day I have this meeting with my doctor and I told him all about my situation (I give it all and he just said...:). All about I had two different lifes and that my soul whas outside my body walking in the outer space and that one part of me was stucked on the sun (where you could live). So he simply said: That sounds like a big fucking horror movie!
And I simply shoot back on him with: Yeah It's kinda how It feels like!
My doctor shoots me with, like many people before: You should write a book!
"Hell not I'm going to sit down to write a fucking book!!"
"Well then you should write a moviescript"
"Yeah maybe I will!!!! But I'm not going to do that!"
So When I come home, angry as always, I got this feeling for writing something I do not write on this blog. I hated myself and sat myself down with a pencil and a paper, no regular computers here. And I wrote, like 8 papers. After that I read it and thought "Fuck, that is pretty cool" So I write it exactly the same on the computer and after that (or the next morning) I asked my mom (who knowes pretty everything, thank God!) where I could send a thing like that. It was not a moviescript it was just a tierd little text, my mom told me SF and something more. (I could have figure out that all by myself but sometimes my brains do not connect) So I looked it up and started to send emails to everyone you could contact who sounded important. They answered and told me to send the synopsis (yes, learnd a new word) to two people. So I send the synopsis to those who (one of them had exactly the same name as my doctor who told me to write all this down, kinda kreepy) The fakedoctor did not answer but another lady answerd and told me she will read it and write me back.
She didn't wrote me back... Instead I accept my situation and thought it was all gone, but I was not sad at all, this was simply one of my little writefeelings. But two monthes after I had send the synopsis another lady from SF wrote to me and said she wanted a meeting with me. Me LiKe: WTF?
Well, she should have a holliday first and after that she would call me, so I send her my phonenumber and after her holliday she calld me... The big fucking problem was that I was inside the fucking hospital right then. But if she could have a holliday, me could to. So I said I was on a holliday and will call her when I come home.
Well to make this a little bit shorter:
I got a permision and booked the meeting that thay, witch worked. Now to the meeting (after I maked you read all the big words):
(I don't know if I am supose to start a sense with thos half circles but I write all this to take myself down to the world for some reason) Well, I had a plan, a permision and a meeting. I tooked my mom with me if I needed someone with brainpower. But the SF-lady was actually not that scary at all and all she wanted to talk about was that I was very talented (to make big senses short) and that I had a very big point with my synopsis and that she wanted me to go for it but that sweden moviestuff could not do a movie like that (If Sweden was Hollywood, maybe, but Sweden is not Hollywood, believe me) so she wanted me to get into a school for doing movies to be something or something. (this is all my own thoughs about this experience, don't believe a word... hehe) So the SF-lady and another guy looked upp different schools at different places in Sweden.
to make this a little big shorter (not often I do things shorter so feel special today):
Now I have a lot of schools to write to, if I want to. And I like one the most, a school here in Stockholm where you lern to do animated movies... In that way I can learn how to do my own movies and don't need to contact some hollywood for my business.
So I got into the website for the school and started to read about it. And they want a synopsis and other sketches for me to send to them. And then (ofcorse I have no such things as fantasies) my brain stoped worked and what the hell am I supose to write a synopsis about? And witch fucking pictures will I send? I have a MVG (much very good, exactly over words, the highest in school you can get here in Sweden) in art so I'm not a freak on painting eather so I have alot of stuff I can send them. But the most of my art is photos of the picture I have paint. Not that I am so fucking great that they will not believe in what I am sending them but it don't feel so freaking cool to send them a photo on a picture I have painted. So simply I don't know what to do. Then I need to sit down and try to make something unbelieveble, and then it's never gonna work...
I meen, in school I lay myself over my art when the artteacher came through because I was scared she was going to see them (ofcorse she gonna she them! She's the fucking teacher!)
So, I don't know what to do. But I have till may to send that stuff in to the school, but then to the point! Do I realy want to be famous and do alot of money and so on?
I just want to learn how to do a fucking animated movie so I can sit all alone and smooke myself inside my home and make my fucking movie all by myself, and send it out on internet or something. But it's never gonna happening.
BECAUSE!! All the shit I wrote upp there!
I was in this extreamly panic for month without someone notice it so one day I have this meeting with my doctor and I told him all about my situation (I give it all and he just said...:). All about I had two different lifes and that my soul whas outside my body walking in the outer space and that one part of me was stucked on the sun (where you could live). So he simply said: That sounds like a big fucking horror movie!
And I simply shoot back on him with: Yeah It's kinda how It feels like!
My doctor shoots me with, like many people before: You should write a book!
"Hell not I'm going to sit down to write a fucking book!!"
"Well then you should write a moviescript"
"Yeah maybe I will!!!! But I'm not going to do that!"
So When I come home, angry as always, I got this feeling for writing something I do not write on this blog. I hated myself and sat myself down with a pencil and a paper, no regular computers here. And I wrote, like 8 papers. After that I read it and thought "Fuck, that is pretty cool" So I write it exactly the same on the computer and after that (or the next morning) I asked my mom (who knowes pretty everything, thank God!) where I could send a thing like that. It was not a moviescript it was just a tierd little text, my mom told me SF and something more. (I could have figure out that all by myself but sometimes my brains do not connect) So I looked it up and started to send emails to everyone you could contact who sounded important. They answered and told me to send the synopsis (yes, learnd a new word) to two people. So I send the synopsis to those who (one of them had exactly the same name as my doctor who told me to write all this down, kinda kreepy) The fakedoctor did not answer but another lady answerd and told me she will read it and write me back.
She didn't wrote me back... Instead I accept my situation and thought it was all gone, but I was not sad at all, this was simply one of my little writefeelings. But two monthes after I had send the synopsis another lady from SF wrote to me and said she wanted a meeting with me. Me LiKe: WTF?
Well, she should have a holliday first and after that she would call me, so I send her my phonenumber and after her holliday she calld me... The big fucking problem was that I was inside the fucking hospital right then. But if she could have a holliday, me could to. So I said I was on a holliday and will call her when I come home.
Well to make this a little bit shorter:
I got a permision and booked the meeting that thay, witch worked. Now to the meeting (after I maked you read all the big words):
(I don't know if I am supose to start a sense with thos half circles but I write all this to take myself down to the world for some reason) Well, I had a plan, a permision and a meeting. I tooked my mom with me if I needed someone with brainpower. But the SF-lady was actually not that scary at all and all she wanted to talk about was that I was very talented (to make big senses short) and that I had a very big point with my synopsis and that she wanted me to go for it but that sweden moviestuff could not do a movie like that (If Sweden was Hollywood, maybe, but Sweden is not Hollywood, believe me) so she wanted me to get into a school for doing movies to be something or something. (this is all my own thoughs about this experience, don't believe a word... hehe) So the SF-lady and another guy looked upp different schools at different places in Sweden.
to make this a little big shorter (not often I do things shorter so feel special today):
Now I have a lot of schools to write to, if I want to. And I like one the most, a school here in Stockholm where you lern to do animated movies... In that way I can learn how to do my own movies and don't need to contact some hollywood for my business.
So I got into the website for the school and started to read about it. And they want a synopsis and other sketches for me to send to them. And then (ofcorse I have no such things as fantasies) my brain stoped worked and what the hell am I supose to write a synopsis about? And witch fucking pictures will I send? I have a MVG (much very good, exactly over words, the highest in school you can get here in Sweden) in art so I'm not a freak on painting eather so I have alot of stuff I can send them. But the most of my art is photos of the picture I have paint. Not that I am so fucking great that they will not believe in what I am sending them but it don't feel so freaking cool to send them a photo on a picture I have painted. So simply I don't know what to do. Then I need to sit down and try to make something unbelieveble, and then it's never gonna work...
I meen, in school I lay myself over my art when the artteacher came through because I was scared she was going to see them (ofcorse she gonna she them! She's the fucking teacher!)
So, I don't know what to do. But I have till may to send that stuff in to the school, but then to the point! Do I realy want to be famous and do alot of money and so on?
I just want to learn how to do a fucking animated movie so I can sit all alone and smooke myself inside my home and make my fucking movie all by myself, and send it out on internet or something. But it's never gonna happening.
BECAUSE!! All the shit I wrote upp there!
The real world.
Actually the woodlice is kinda funny, you should talk to them.
OK OK OK I HAVE A FUCKING SURPRISE!!
Well. I have read all my notes from the mental visit and if I have understand everything right the whole story goes like this:
I am a spy. (don't let it fool you jet) offer upp from the woodlice to collect information to transport telepathically back to the woodlice for them to transport it telepathically back to the outer space for the outer spaces planets to catch the psychoplasma (thoughs) and create life on other planets, who will revolutionize the space and our world.
The Woodlice realy make fun of me!
Bye.
I am a spy. (don't let it fool you jet) offer upp from the woodlice to collect information to transport telepathically back to the woodlice for them to transport it telepathically back to the outer space for the outer spaces planets to catch the psychoplasma (thoughs) and create life on other planets, who will revolutionize the space and our world.
The Woodlice realy make fun of me!
Bye.
Aloha
I'm home...
Excuse the irritation, but I was fucking angry right then I see. Well I stoped smooke, for a month, but I'm on it again, it was not just that simply than I thought from the beginning, so I started again, but I will see if I smooke that much as before... hmm now I'm back home and can start write in this fucking book again! I am like 5 kg up now, lets go down again, if I can, because I can't look like this, it's insane brutal fat girl right now.
bye
Excuse the irritation, but I was fucking angry right then I see. Well I stoped smooke, for a month, but I'm on it again, it was not just that simply than I thought from the beginning, so I started again, but I will see if I smooke that much as before... hmm now I'm back home and can start write in this fucking book again! I am like 5 kg up now, lets go down again, if I can, because I can't look like this, it's insane brutal fat girl right now.
bye
Fucking retarded place!
Retarded people say they will take my ritalin out. I'm so fucking angry, but they are not going to do it anylonger... I grabed my own panic in that second. Whatever.
now i have 8mg Haldol and 60mg Ritalin.
I want my 120mg Ritalin back,n whatever, noone listening to me anyway.
I DON'T HEAR BRIAN LIKE COREY, WHATS THE FUCKING PROBLEM!?
I hate this place and I will never come back when I'm out.
I FUCKING HATE TO BE HERE AND I FUCKING HATE THAT I WROTE MYSELF IN HERE !!! NOW I WANNA GO OUT, on friday I'm free but that do not meen I can walk from here, no, I need to do that easy day for day. Retard.
now i have 8mg Haldol and 60mg Ritalin.
I want my 120mg Ritalin back,n whatever, noone listening to me anyway.
I DON'T HEAR BRIAN LIKE COREY, WHATS THE FUCKING PROBLEM!?
I hate this place and I will never come back when I'm out.
I FUCKING HATE TO BE HERE AND I FUCKING HATE THAT I WROTE MYSELF IN HERE !!! NOW I WANNA GO OUT, on friday I'm free but that do not meen I can walk from here, no, I need to do that easy day for day. Retard.
Someone died
Someone died today here on Avd140. killed himself in some kind of way i think... 100 people run around and tried to fix him, but he died.
