Terrorinalive

Zyk told me something about this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deja_vu#Jamais_vu , something that was happening to me all the time when I was a child. Like: When I told myself a word over and over again I started to believe the word was a word that didn’t exist. When I start to think back about my childhood I remember many weird things that I was up to. Example I always saw a black panther run on the side of the car every time we was go by car. The black panther was bigger than normal and when it get tired it jumped up on the roof on the car and rest for a while. When the panther was “fit for fight” again it jumped down and started to run on the side of the car again.

It was exactly the same type of “hallucination” that I see today. It’s like… I see everything, but it is invisible. I see the colours and the shape of everything but it isn’t there. It’s not a fantasy because I can’t control it. The same I did when I was a child, I had an “invisible” dog for a while. A small baby jack russell terrier that walked with me everywhere. The dog was special with me when I was at our summer house. But sometimes it was with me even at home. Those two is the only “invisible” things that people like to call fantasy that I did not have any control over. All my other real fantasies I controlled over, over that kind of fantasies I could choice what the fantasy will do (and that is what a fantasy is, isn’t it?)

I also, I don’t know if it stand something about exactly this at this “Jamis vu” text, but last summer I started to forget the Swedish language. I started to forget words and sentences, and I started to hack my own brain on words because the words disappeared, or it was to little words in the Swedish language to explain things. My tongue also started to live against me and didn’t want to form the words in the right way in my mouth, so the sentences became very weird. So I started to talk in English. If my English is good/bad, does not matter because it was fucking scary to start to forget your own language.

Yeah, well. Let's pretend we'r in the sadest and most cold down place in the world. The whole world... I can't say more than that, because my thoughs is all killing me down here. You need to TRY! please?

We will just smoke another cigarette and shut the fuck up!

Whatever, pull old shit up, so fucking ridiculous man.

Well try to understand, your brain is not working at this point… To keep all shit inside your brain when you have a lot of shit to pull up, It is not gonna work, a bit.

I will start this show: again. Let’s pretend we are not at the end.

2010-07-26

So for you all, I will explain the world today. Maybe its right or wrong for you, but for me, all this has happened and this is what I believe and have experience of. 5 years ago I would never think about that we people have the possibility to get into another dimensions or worlds. But today I’m not so sure. When I read old stuff it seams practically wise for me. I understand and remember everything I have written, and nothing sounds crazy or confusing for me. Today I live in a world when I every day believe in that people, from this world or another, hear my thoughts. I can never do something whiteout thinking that someone, somewhere, hear my thoughts. I’m not paranoid, I’m not scared of this, but maybe sometimes it is kinda irritating. In this world people can send and take in information from other peoples like pictures and words. When I talk to people, it’s like people have done there sentences and explanations in the most complex way without knowing this. The brain actually does this all by itself, for me to recognize sensations till my daily everyday. I like to call these for coincidences.

As:

If someone talks about something important or just something all-day information it is always something that haunts me after. In form of pictures or movies or just text or other information I read or sees. This can be an original talk about a “dog in one kind of colour” and the next day I see a lot of these dogs in just that colour. People like to call these coincidences for something that happening to everybody: Yes! It does, I remember! But not every day, every moment…

2010-07-28