Terrorinalive

Your earlier life

Today I was on a lecture about the brain. It was a researcher that research about the brain that was there and talk to us. We was many from school, maybe 300 persons.
We spend 1,5 hours to listening to him. He talked about everything that have to do whit the brain. Once he wanted us to shut ours eyes and do what he told us. He wanted us to count to ten in Swedish, after that he wanted us to count to ten in English. After that he wanted us turn on the water in the tap and do other thing in our brains, still whit our eyes closed. After that he said to us to opening our eyes and explain to us that is was our  internal voice that we had heard. What we hear from ourselves when we are thinking. I find everything he said interesting because almost everything he said I already know. I have learn it all by myself, inside my brain. He have wasted his time on this.

Whatever the eye-thing and hearing-what-you-are-thinking-thing was something great. It is what I call for my voices. I know it is different things to hearing voices and thinking. I don’t like to call what I hear in my head for voices. I call them teleporting voices. The thing is that I know the different of my voices and the voices other people talk about. I have heard them to, the voices that is placed behind your ears and sound like a really real person. The voices that sounds come from anywhere else than from your head. But my teleporting voices I hear all the time is a different thing. I hear them coming from other persons and not from myself. I remember how a used to think before this Corey thing happening to me. I heard my thoughts like everybody else. But one day someone started to control what my mind wanted to hear. I could not control it anymore, and I knew it was someone else that control my head. That speak in my head. It was not me and it was not just this thoughts anymore. It is so different from then, I whish hundreds times that it should be like before, but I cant get away from it.

So, what’s about my voices. What is real and what is false. I know everything is real in one way. I know everything I hear is right, because I hear them and I always get kind of the right information about that I has right. That was I’m hearing is right. I can hear information from every person I meat, but the information only is subconscious thoughts from the person I meat. I cant hear what a person is thinking right for the moment. I just hear it in a big hot-tempered way to explain things. Every person I meat want to explain things, even people I have not meat yet. Every person try but I only can let know them better if I find them interesting in the first time we meet. The most simple way I use to get information is from the things I see. Because if I will get my permission to all the voices in my head to explain everything it have to be to mutch. So I prefer to see whit my eyes. I see people when they walk, what they do, how they feel like, what they think about me, what they will do. I see them like peoples, but they are transparent but I can have a feeling about their colours. I can see everything lika monsters and other things. It’s like a figure. The most obvious thing to understand is how people feel or what they want to do in their lives. It’s hard to understand peoples earlier lives.

But I have success whit this earlier life thing once. It was when I started to talk whit corey. In the beginning. He said to me that he knew whole my life in his head, that I had told him subconscious. But he wanted me to discover things, and explain things about my life more clear. It was when I started to explain my life for him again I understood that slipknot has made music and songs about my life. When I realized that corey said it was correct and that I had understand well. That I was learning everything fast. I don’t want to get out the imformation about how exactly this slipknot music goes whit my life. It just so suitable. But one thing he was telling me was when I asked him about who that has write the lyrics to his songs, I mean maybe it’s not him that have wrote the lyrics. He answer that even if it not was him that write all the lyrics his brain has focus so much to get the others who write to write was he want them to write. So even if it was other that write, all the words came from coreys brain. So in the end corey has write everything to me. Really every part of my life stand in the lyrics in a complicated way, that I don’t think somebody else will understand, because it has not happening in their lives.

Whatever I explained things about myself for corey in maybe 2 months from that day I meet him. After that Corey started to explain things about his life. When me, my dad and my brother went out on a vacation in a caravan. We went trough half Sweden down to Denmark and all the time I was just lay in my bed in the caravan and listening to what corey have to say to me. He started to explain about his life. I didn’t knew anything about him then. I had just saw him on some photos and knew his name was corey taylor. It’s stupid of me to telling this because I know it’s all wrong. But I have never told anyone before. I do it fast, because I wont tell this in small words.

Corey tell me that his dad was a bad man, that hit him from then he was little. When Corey was 15 years old he left his father because he didn’t like him. And that his father had done very bad things to him. Like sexual things when he was little to. After that Corey lived whit his mother. But his mother was going under whit all kind of things. His mother begin to do things to Corey. Things that he didn’t like. When he was 18 years olf he didn’t want to live at home anymore. But he was left whit his mom anyway. He started to do music to calm himself from everything his mother was doing to him. And then all this whole life thing started. Blabla

When I relized that this not can have happening to corey. Allan started to take over. He started to explane that it was his life and not corey’s. But some months after that I realized that Allan is a part of corey and what allan says have a part of corey. So they keep going together.

2008-01-31