terrorin

It's kinda hard to explaine because I have not write about it that much at the blog but I write about it to much in the book. About my earlier lifes, that I have been a woodlouse in all my earlier lifes and secured the univers of life. I went back now to explaine Elsa and I know I have named her before but only as the name on my laptop I guess. But Elsa is more than a name on a laptop.

Allan, you know, the guy who came up when Corey split in two, also named to my earlier computer was in the same time as Elsa, almost.

Allan came up in 2006 and Elsa came up early in 2007 when she walked in to my room when I was trying to sleep at my mom's house on a permission from the rehab home.

Elsa walked in and she was in my lenght, about 170 cm (67 inches) and she had long curly natural red hair and blue eyes. Kinda of a ginger, and she was very skinny. Not creepy skinny but less flesh than me if we say so. This was one of the times I realy feeld a hallucination and it was when Elsa fast walk to me when I was laying in my bed. When she was next to my bed she hunker down and poke me in my eye with her finger. And I realy feelt this like if it was someone very real person who was doing it. (Yes it hurt a bit). After that I became so fucking scared and Elsa leaved the room. After that I was hard of fear like a stone but after a while I started to talk to her and she was very hyperactive and talked alot, I don't remember what she said but I remember I started to be irritated on her and I remember that I get out the name Elsa from her.

So I had Elsa, Allan (Also the slaughterer, a very fat man who was so fat that all his brakes on the skin leaved place for the blood to almost get out from the skin, I don't know what he came from but I got a guess now and I will write it later if I remember. He don't have a name, I only call him "The slaughterer".)

After all this I was so fucking angry that a girl had went up in my world (She was maybe like me in age today, like 21 years old when she came up). I tried to make Elsa undone and make myself to belive that I maybe only had make a fantasy about her but it was impossible to make the thing that happend in my bedroom that night undone. So I just have tried to not talk and forget her in almost 5 years. But now we come to the pont, almost. One thing more first.

One time I was sitting here in my apartment (maybe a year ago) and I got this big fat deja vu or what the hell it was. It was not a deja vu but it is the nearest I can come. I sat here in front of my computer and I got this extreamly strong feeling about "I have survived!!" and this was a very strong feeling. I only knew that if I was sitting right where I was right then I had survived. I had played my life and cards trough life right and I had survived from suicide and all this because I went psychotic. It was the most strong feeling I have got in my whole life, can't explain it nearlier than that, just believe me on that...

Back to Elsa, so I was on my mom's summerhouse a month ago and I had hard to sleep, I have my own house up in the forest back of the bigger house where my mom sleeps. And when I lay there and had hard like hell to sleep I started to talk with the girl with antennas :

The girl with antennas also is me and I have never understand how I can talk to another me, but what the fuck I have done it anyway in a long while without realy understand how it works. But I had my old suggestion on that one to. But what the hell, when I have a hard time to sleep I sometimes talk with the antennagirl (other me).

And when we lay there in my bed talking she at some point said:

"You have had some earlier lifes..."

Me like "No hell, I have been a woodlouse for nearly 14 billion of years before this."

And then I looked at the door out from the inside in this little house and I looked out from the little square window in the door and I thought:
"If my uncle not have come and killed me right now the next time I am in the same time as now on this planet as a human, then I have survived."

And then it hit me! I was creating exactly the same thing that I had experience in front of my computer a year earlier but this time I was creating the stuff I had experiend before. And then it hit me: "I have done this before, I have been a human before!"

The girl with antennas: "Exactly"

And I just became so confused and started to ask the girl with antennas: "Who was I, was I you?"

She said: "You is me..."

And then this though just run into my head and the person I havent thinked about in years went up and I just said to the girl with the antennas:

"I was Elsa, wasn't I?" http://terrorin.blogg.se/elsa