terrorin

The whole thing beginns like this. I was home with a friend and we started to fight and he went away from my apartment but I was to slow and angry to follow him directly, but after some minute I walk after him to find him. I went to the train to look if he was there but he wasn't and then I became angry and so on, so, Corey and Ville started to talk alot. Ville like always trying to protect me from Corey's talk. Coreys talk what is like:
"Nobody stands you" and "You are not worth the waiting" and "You never gonna be forgiven" and "you'r a freak" and so on. So when I was on my way back from the train to walk to the busstation and look a girl walk up against me and Corey hardly says: "Show her how dangerous you is!" And I had no match of winningpoint to not do what Corey was telling me right then. Everything kinda dissapeared and I hit the girl. Sad.

I'm not gonna get into any closer details about that, I know it was wrong, I know it was stupid and I know I shouldn't have done it. But when you have a fucking Corey Taylor screaming in your head to nearly kill someone from his point it's kinda hard to stand up to. And like a view of that I was very angry, sad and also upset. But I know, that's not a reason to hit someone.

After that I went to the busstation but my friend wasn't there eather so I started to walk back to my apartment but on the way a policecar came by. They picked me upp and bla bla bla...

I end up on section 1 on St Görans hospital and after that I became transport to section 140 on Danderyds hospital and after that transport to section 126 on danderyds hospital here in stockholm. So well there I have been...

But to the whole point now! Why I'm so happy because of this permission. I have been into mentalhospitals longer time than this time without permissions or even not has was outside disregard the smokingarea. It has been times I have been inside for 2 monthes without been more far away from the section than 2 meters (79 inch). But this time has been so fucking irritating! It is more to come! All the other time I have been very psychotic or in the middle of two worlds but this time I have been totaly healthy according to me. The only false step this time was that I simply did what Corey told me for over 9 billion of times and this time I hit a girl. Not good at all but it is so fucking boring to be in a mentalhospital when you feeling healty and not have all this hysterical thoughs to listening and make up to. Whatever I became moved to section 126, the psychosissection on Danderyds hospital, with my own talking rights of that it was alright and that I could be there on free will. I thoughed like:

"Okey, let's be here some couple of days, something need to be wrong, I beaten up a girl last night."

So I was there on my own will but then the doctor came into the picture. I was on the section for maybe 3 days without complaint but after that I asked the doctor if I could leave the hospital but she simply said:

"That make no sence, it's totaly absurd." Then I asked the doctor if I could have a permission but she said the same and I thought "what the fuck, I can handle one day more here."

So I wait but the doctor told me the same thing over and over again but this time she even threaten me with that if I didn't do what she was telling me she should write a hospital order on me. A hospital order so she have the right to keep me there and controll me and everything around me for a month and after that maybe prolong the LPT (Law about mental custodial care). So she simply said:

"You are not going anywhere, if you want to get out or any permissions I write a hospital order on you so you will stay here. Do we have a agreement?"

I had not choise without agree with the bitch for almost a month! But today it became some changes.

The registrar came into my room and told me they was going to take away my 16.00 medicin of one Ritalin and then I totaly had got enough of these fucking doctors! So I told him angry that they hell not should take away my Ritalin and that I'm not in my world should stay there anylonger and that I wantet to write myself out and that it was unacceptable that my own doctor threathen me to stay on restraint when I was on the hospital on free will and I for the law should have my all rights to write myself out whenever I want to and not give after because a doctor threaten me through saying I most stay. The registrar said "Ok, you will be talking with the chief physician about this later"

So I wait and after a while I get my meeting with the doctors and I told them I wanted to get out and that I never on earth was going to stay there one night more, kinda upset. So the chief physician said she should think for 5 minutes and then talk me up. (Now we all know I got permission but it's kinda fun to write everything down anyway...)

So I wait and wait and wait and wait. 5 minutes for the doctor was 1 hour in reality btw. Bla bla bla, howsome she said I could leave the hospital yet but that I could get a permission from today till tomorow and if that went good another permission and if that went well I maybe gonna to be able to leave the hospital in next week.

That's my "now-time" story to tell.

Bye