terrorin

I'm home...

Excuse the irritation, but I was fucking angry right then I see. Well I stoped smooke, for a month, but I'm on it again, it was not just that simply than I thought from the beginning, so I started again, but I will see if I smooke that much as before... hmm now I'm back home and can start write in this fucking book again! I am like 5 kg up now, lets go down again, if I can, because I can't look like this, it's insane brutal fat girl right now.

bye

Retarded people say they will take my ritalin out. I'm so fucking angry, but they are not going to do it anylonger... I grabed my own panic in that second. Whatever.
now i have 8mg Haldol and 60mg Ritalin.
I want my 120mg Ritalin back,n whatever, noone listening to me anyway.
I DON'T HEAR BRIAN LIKE COREY, WHATS THE FUCKING PROBLEM!?

I hate this place and I will never come back when I'm out.

I  FUCKING  HATE  TO  BE  HERE  AND  I  FUCKING  HATE  THAT  I  WROTE MYSELF  IN  HERE  !!! NOW I WANNA GO OUT, on friday I'm free but that do not meen I can walk from here, no, I need to do that easy day for day. Retard.

Someone died today here on Avd140. killed himself in some kind of way i think... 100 people run around and tried to fix him, but he died.

my "this time story"

1. Avd 150
2. PIVA
3. Avd 150
4. PIVA
5. Avd 140
6. PIVA
7. Avd 140

And here I am, I want up to Avd 150 tomorow... untill my LPT run out of time...

Avd = section
PIVA = psychiatric intensive care unit = a lot of lunatics/schizophrenia
150 = soft lunatics , schizophrenia
140 = very soft old lunatics, schizophrenia
LPT = law on psychiatric compulsory

I want up to Avd 150 again, on that place you can use wires on your own room... And they are much more nice there I think...

I kinda want back to my normal life, I had not thought I should be this trip for a little bit ask about help....

100 mg Nozinan
8 mg Haldol
10 mg stesolid

*

3 / day


no life at all...

to be continued

I have got this itchingproblem on my feets, I don't know why they came there, i HATE dots, and this is small dots on my feets. I HATE IT
But the staff is talking with a doctor about somnething who get it to dissapear.

if you only have one single bite of a pcture with you, I think  I willtake this one:

It is snowing like hell here in sweden, one meter snow ffs... Me and my best mom what outside walking from the hospital and I look like that. me and mom look more like this:



I know I look like shit, ignore that.

After I'v been upp on 150 I wanted to go home, and then they took me down to PIVA igen, against me. I was angry as hell! so i happen up in the beltbed again, bt today I moved up again, the doctors says I am forbidden to go anywhere outside these walls at at lest 2 weeks, we will we what happening...
On piva you just have a bed in a room, nothing more... Here on 150 I can have my computer, a sterio and alot of music...Tess will be here soon I hope I don't fall asleep I want to meet her!

I have so fucking much in my head now so i realy don't know what I am writing...


bye.

I have been at PIVA some days, 4 days I think. horrible place. mental intensive care unit, horrible place, been there before. they lay me in a belt bed and moved me down to PIVA. BUt now I'm  back up in avd 150 on Danderyds hospital here in stockholm.

no suprise.